Part One – There
(Eastern Hemisphere)
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE – PHYSFAC. INTRODUCTION
University… It was a new word in my life. Noble and sublime. The special.
We felt ourselves like scientific nobility. Though youngsters, but already enlisted in the cavalry guards or hussars regiment. Perhaps, the sight of the university building itself, breathing antiquity and beauty, lilac bushes in the park around it, portraits of scientists, not the party leaders on the walls, and the smell of parquet mastic are forever imprinted in my memory. How many times later I visited other educational institutions in different countries – memory, or maybe only its ancient olfactory department, always suggested where the temple of science was, and where – the “forge of personnel”.
On the very first day, a crowd of students gathered in the foyer, in front of the locker room that had been yet inactive in September. The lists of freshmen, who had entered Physical Department (PhysFac) of the University, were posted here. Looking at the names, senior students and newcomers tried to determine, which young man acquaintance with they would be proud of later on. And who of the girls should be gallantly invited on a tour of the university that very minute?
First lectures…
Algebra
Lecturer, “How do two statements A and not-A relates? They CONTRA -…”
Auditorium, “…DICKT!”
Lecturer, “Please, no such words in these walls!
Philosophy
The lecturer is a tall pretty woman who is fluent in both Georgian and Russian. She had just given a lecture in Georgian about the Democritus and his little primary building bricks of Universe. And now she is giving us the same lecture in Russian.
Note, that Georgian word for brick and in Russian word for cucumber are almost homophones. And she naturally, pronounces,
“According to Democritus, the whole world consists of primary little cucumbers!”
Mathematical analysis
In Russian area and plaza are homophones, so…
“Sir, I could not solve this integral on the area.”
“Why are you surprised? Integrals must be solved at home, not on the plaza!”
Physics
Lecturer, “Give us an example of the Doppler-effect.”
Student, “Well, when the source of the sound becomes further from the observer, not only its strength decreases, “Mom, don’t throw me into the WELL, well, well!” but also its the frequency, “Mom, don’t throw me into the WELL, we-ell, w-e-e-l-l!”
Usually life at the PhysFac is a free will, just study, everything will be forgiven you, but sometimes one makes some slips. Today the professor of physics is being replaced by the party organizer of the Department, associate professor Kldiashvili, a very kind and intelligent person with severe strabismus and thick lenses in his glasses. He sends the chatterbox to the dean’s office for a written permit back to lectures.
The dean’s office is empty – the dean is at lectures, his deputy too; there is a trade union organizer who is the wife of a party organizer, a good experimenter, a modest and silent woman suffering from stuttering.
But we are newbies, we don’t know anything of above.
Student, “I asked a neighbor something, and was immediately sent to the dean’s office for permission… A strange teacher. And glasses like telescopes…”
Union organizer, “K-k-k…”
Student, “Bless you!”
Union organizer, “No-no-no! [Shakes her head from side to side] Kl-Kl-Kl…”
Student, “Yes, in class. General physics, first course. I don’t know the lecturer’s last name – one eye looks to the left, the other to the right…”
Union organizer, “Kld-Kld-Kld…”
Student: “Don’t be so nervous, please. Do you want some water?”
Union organizer, “No-no-no…” [Waving in despair and writing admission to the lecture]
The student returns with a piece of paper from the dean’s office to the audience.
Associate Professor, “Well, did the dean explain to you how to behave in lectures?”
Student, “No, Sir, there was no dean or deputy dean there.”
Associate Professor: “And who gave you the permission then?”
Student, “I don’t know. Some kind of a hen. She cackled, “Kldy-kldy”. She didn’t say a word, but understood me perfectly!”
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